Don't
Don't think for a moment that you are alone in your pain. Don't even let it cross your mind that no one is there; that you have no choice but to walk through it all by yourself.
You need to see that not one single day goes by where i don't feel your pain as if it was my own.
You are struggling, you are hurting, you are mutilated on the inside even though your face will not stop smiling. A disgusting smile, one that is there not to reflect a happiness, but instead a smile only there to test. To test every person you ever encounter, to see if anyone can see past it, and see a heart and life that is dying on the inside. A smile that is there to become a symbol of the lie you believe; a symbol telling you that everyone will always let you down, and no one will ever take the time to see whats really there.
Don't think that i see that smile as just another smile. Don't think that i don't see what is under. Don't think that i believe the same lie you do, becuase i don't. i never have. i never will.
When a ship is sinking, what is underneath it is what matters. What the waters below it are, and consist of, is what becomes crucial.
You too are sinking, and you are barely surfacing. It's in you on the inside, and i see it all, and you need to know that the i feel the destruction in your life just as much as you do. I'm letting it, because i need you to see something you never have before. It is the only lifeline i can offer you. It's destroying me, just as much as it destroys you. But i let it, because you need to be free.
posted by steph @ 6:54 PM
1 Comments:
"Over the years, i have come t orealize that the greatest trap in our life is not success, popularity or power, but self-rejection. Success, popularity and power can indeed present a great temptation, but their seductive quality often comes from the way they are part of the much larger temptation to self-rejection. When we have come to believe in the voices that call us worthless and unlovable, then sucess, popularity and power are easily perceived as attractive solutions.
The real trap however is self-rejection. As soon as someone accuses me or criticizes me, as soon as i am rejected, left alone or abandoned, i find myself thinking, 'Well, that proves once aggain that i am a nobody.'...(My dark side says,) I am no good...I deserve to be pushed aside, forgotten, rejected and abandoned.
Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of the spiritual life because it contradicts the sacred voice that calls us the 'Beloved.' Being the Beloved constitutes the core truth of our existence."
-Henri Nouwen
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