Prostituted Time

I can never sleep at night. My body is exhausted, but my mind keeps playing on fast forward as i try for pointless hours to shut it off. I have insomnia. In terms of sleep, tonight was no different from any other wakeful night. But for some reason as i was lying in bed tonight, struggling unsuccessfully as always to find a few hours of precious sleep, i started thinking about the people in my life.

And then i started thinking about the people in my life that really i offer nothing to, but only use to fill up wants in my life, fill up emptiness in my life. i run around looking only for gifts of affirmation from them, the only reason i offer my time. A prostitution of time. Too many people that i only take and take and take from, and offer nothing in return.

Then i started thinking about my God, and how many times i also only use Him. It must be so painful for Him. I must shatter God's heart over and over again, and instead of realizing it i simply continue my life until the next time i can greedily take even more.


i am a whore i do confess
but i put you on just like a wedding dress
and i run down the aisle
i'm a prodigal with no way home
but i put you on just like a ring of gold
and i run down the aisle to you

so could you love this bastard child
though i don't trust you to provide
with one hand in a pot of gold
and with the other in your side
i am so easily satisfied
by the call of lovers less wild
that i would take a little cash
over your very flesh and blood
- Derek Webb