Cherry Trees
painted streets and windowed lawns
and cherry trees with salmon feathered petals
and the wind that swirls it all together
i look out over all of it
watching and looking and waiting and not feeling
not out of a lack of feeling, but out of a lack of knowing what to do with those feelings
maybe the liquor bottles help in that process
empty and glassy and spilled on an already stained apartment floor
but my lips never touched it
it was the tragic romantic thing to do
but right then i wasn't that person
why create a heartache scene
when i was never actually able to feel the love
and we'll always hang on to our broken hearts
it's a waste of beauty if i've ever known that
but baby for now do what you have to do
because you know that soon you will let this go
and then baby you will miss this
baby how you will miss this
posted by steph @ 10:45 AM
3 Comments:
You asked for my opinion of your poetry. I'll do my best to answer - mind you, I've only read a few of your poems now and haven't had a lot of time to process them.
I can't decide whether or not you use your art for emotive (presumably cathartic) self-expression, or for communication. I suspect it's a combination of the two, especially since they're not that distinct to begin with.
There are a few elements of this particular poem that I really like. The confused imagery of the opening lines is fantastic; its effect and meaning nicely completed when "the winds swirls it all together". I like the way what appears at a glance to be ambiguously metaphorical is quickly tied to reality via the perception of the speaker ("i look out over all of it..."), and emotive imagery is tied down to concrete, albeit dramatic action.
I also love the idea of broken liquor bottles that "help in the process", because "it was the tragic romantic thing to do". The next part continues with strong ideas, but I feel the lack of punctuation and other forms of order (rhyme, metre) damage the communicative effect. The lines, "why create a heartache scene / when i was never actually able to feel the love / and we'll always hang on to our broken hearts" are striking in light of the preceding imagery, but it takes longer than necessary to dissect them due to the lack of order. I also think you could milk the idea of the speaker clinging to wasted beauty - perhaps even expressing wasted beauty as the tragic ideal of beauty itself - but of course that's the prerogative of the author. Again, I think the sentiment comes across a little confused due to the obscurity of the verse.
While the repetition at the end could hold its own as a part of another poem, I think that perhaps the clarity of the final, bitter? sentiment fails to jive with the confusion at the opening. Further, while it would make sense that the 'baby' addressed by the speaker is the one responsible for the speaker's emotional turmoil, I'm not sure that's clearly communicated. It's entirely possible, as far as I can tell, for the speaker to be addressing herself (I assumed the 'her'). Which the reader interprets it as vastly effects the meaning of the poem as a whole.
So anyway, I really enjoyed most of the imagery and ideas in the poem, you used some great devices to communicate those ideas, but the overall poem and its reader-reception suffers a bit by a lack of clarity in the form, as well as in a few lines/words that seem less carefully placed than the others. Of course, it’s entirely possible that I just missed the point of those lines/words due to my deficiencies as an interpreter.
One final thing about your poetry: if the displayed entries on the blog are any indication, you write a lot of it. My own poems tend to be few, far between, and unless they're playful love poems, agonizingly composed.
I hope that satisfies your request for my opinion.
Oh, one more thing. I couldn't determine whether any of your images where meant to be symbolic beyond the parameters set within the poem itself. For instance, the title "Cherry Trees" might lead me to believe that you selected your opening objects very deliberately for their signification, but I can't tell what that is. Care to shed any light on this?
Steph, I'm not going to give as detailed a description or critique as the person above me, but I honestly love your poetry. It really does speak of something deeper, if we were of closer proximity, I'd probably ask you to try and explain away some of the metaphors.
In any case, have you ever considered putting some of your poetry to music? I would love to hear this sung and harmonized!! Miss you :)
hi tristan, thank you for your elaborate comment, apologies for my delay in replying to it.
i am going to go ahead and say i have mainly the same reservations about this poem as you do, specifically with your line about my error in not carefully placing some of the thoughts and words as well as the others. i wrote this poem very quickly, and when i finished, i felt the same way as what you said. As the poem unfolded it definitely became less careful, and even lost much of its tone and style, jumping to different styles which, although is sometimes effective, was not so effective in such a poem as this one. At the same time, my goal in writing this poem was not necissarily for effective style and tone in the first place.
The lines written after the lines about the liquor bottles especially bother me. i was trying to transition into why a tragic romantic scene was caused, and even what it vaguely was...but i did it much too abruptly. It seems like a sudden jump into a whole new thought. And a jump that doesn’t follow the style and flow of the previous parts of the poem prior to it.
i think i was trying to mold together two different images, which often happens when i write poetry, usually just because i write not for a purpose, but just to get the words out. that would explain some of the lack of clarity. but again, clarity wasn't my purpose in the first place.
As far as your question about the symbolism in my poem, it is simply there for what it is. With this poem i was simply trying to paint a picture of a scene and of feelings...nothing more. The cherry trees and other descriptions at the beginning are simply what was being seen, and the confusing nature of it was simply trying to show the confusion going on in the mind of the person watching it all. it attempts to capture how the individual is focused on the spectacle that is going on outside and can't get the image of cherry trees out of her mind, even while there is so much more (some would say more important even) she should be thinking about. There is so much pain in her life at the moment, so much happening, so much she is contemplating...but she doesn’t know how to deal with any of it (the lack of feeling line) so at the moment all she lets herself do is watch something beautiful for a moment, something constant, something tangible...fully knowing it will soon end and then she’ll have to deal with everything else. It will end on one hand because the wind will make it, the scene will change, the sun will set, winter will come, etc. But also more deeply: life will move on, she’ll have her memories of those times and carry her broken heart, but it will just move on and on…..
In some of my poetry there is definitely much symbolism attached. This one lacked that though...just depends on the poem I suppose.
Again, thanks for your thoughts, i appreciate them alot.
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